


you've got mail!

by rhodeytony



Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cute, First Meetings, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-22 19:53:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15589476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhodeytony/pseuds/rhodeytony
Summary: Illya works at the post office. Napoleon is addicted to online shopping and calling the post office to check on his packages. Gaby just drives Napoleon because he can't drive.





	you've got mail!

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thank you for clicking on my fic! I had fun writing this at 5:30-6:30 in the morning!
> 
> Completely unbeta'd! All errors and mistakes are mine (and I'm sure there are some and I apologise beforehand)
> 
> Enjoy!

Napoleon Solo called the post office down the street at least 7 times a day. He was always checking on a package that he had ordered and yes, he knows that he could check it online but the guy who sits at the post office desk has such a deep voice and it’s some sort of East European, maybe Russian, accent. Also, Napoleon loves how fed up the guy is with him all the time but how he never hangs up.

Gaby, Napoleon’s best friend, says that he might have a crush but he thinks that she’s being ridiculous. He does not have a crush on the post office guy. That’s crazy! 

So, at 2:00 pm, Napoleon flopped on his couch— which he needed to replace — and called the post office. 

“Hyello?” the post office guy answered. 

“Hi,” Napoleon said, grinning to himself as he heard the guy sigh deeply. 

“Hi, Napoleon,” he responded and Napoleon tried not to giggle like a schoolgirl.

“I’m calling to check on my package from Amazon.”  
“Napoleon… It’s still processing. You ordered product yesterday. Not shipped yet” Napoleon rolled his eyes. He knew the post office guy couldn’t see him but, still.

“Okay, well.. Forget it, then. What’s your name, by the way? You know my name but I don’t know yours,” Napoleon was good at changing the subject. All his past boyfriends and Gaby have said so.

“I didn’t ask for your name” post office guy deadpanned.  
“Well, I’m asking for yours” Napoleon said, a teasing tone in his voice.

The post office guy sighed — Napoleon notices that he does that a lot — and disconnected the line.

“What!” Napoleon yelled, sitting up straight. He immediately called Gaby.

“Gaby! He hung up on me!” Napoleon exclaimed into the phone, moving his hands around wildly. 

“Hello, Napoleon. Yes, I am doing well today, thank you for asking” Gaby greeted and Napoleon huffed.

“Gaaaaabyyyy” he drew out and now it was her turn to huff. 

“Who hung up on you?” She asked. He could hear the TV in the background. 

“The post office guy!”  
“Oh, you mean your crush? Well, call back!” 

Napoleon was so tired of her saying she has a crush on the post office guy. “I don’t have a crush!” he yelled, his voice a little pitchy. He felt like a schoolgirl. He really did.

“Sure, Solo” she deadpanned. Napoleon hummed and then replied, in a sing-song voice “Gaaaabyyy!”

Gaby sighed, “yes?” 

“Will you take me to the post office? So I can see him?” he asked. He was already putting his shoes on. 

“Napoleon, when will you get your license? Fine, I’ll take you” she agreed.

“We’ve been over this, Gabs. We live in New York and you have your license so I don’t need mine!” he exclaimed. Napoleon was looking for his keys so he could leave his apartment. 

“Aha! Okay, I’ll see you outside my place in like 10? Love you, bye!” he hung up.

He debated on whether or not he should call the post office guy. He walked to his bathroom to look at himself and make himself look put together. 

“Do I have a crush on him? I don’t get crushes on guys, they get crushes on me!” he said to himself in the mirror. He bent down and threw some water on his face. He looked at himself again. “It’s not a crush, Solo. You just like him,” he hyped as he dried his face off. 

He heard Gaby honk and left the bathroom. As he was locking his front door, he was kind of regretting his outfit of sweats and a hoodie but it was too late now because Gaby was honking again and he didn’t want to upset her. He’s be buying — or making — her dinner later, anyway.

As he slid into the passenger seat, Gaby started making kissing noises. 

“Gonna go see your true loooove” she sang and he rolled his eyes. 

“I won’t if you don’t drive, Teller.”

So, that’s the story of how Napoleon Solo ended up at the post office to see his ‘crush’. 

And they saw him. And he looked surprised. Napoleon couldn’t tell of he was surprised that somebody was in the post office — it was completely deserted — or if he knew that that was Napoleon.

“Um… Hyello?” post office guy said from behind the counter. 

Napoleon walked up and leaned against the counter and smiled wide. “Hi. I’m here to check on a package?” he said and post office guy absolutely lost it. 

He just started laughing. Napoleon thought it was the most beautiful sound ever.

_Aw fuck, I have a crush on the guy who works at the post office, _Napoleon thought.__

__Post office guy was tall, at least 4 inches taller than Napoleon who was 6’1. He was blonde with blue eyes that were bright and he laughed so big that the corners of his eyes crinkled and Napoleon was_ fucked._

____“Hi, Napoleon” post office guy said when he finished laughing. Napoleon couldn’t stop smiling. He wished to God that he could stop looking like a big grinning idiot._ _ _ _

____“Why are you here?” post office guy asked. A valid question._ _ _ _

____“Uh, I actually just wanted to know your name” Napoleon muttered because now that he was here and he was thinking about it, the plan was stupid._ _ _ _

____“It’s Illya” post office guy said._ _ _ _

____Maybe the plan wasn’t stupid._ _ _ _

____“Illya,” Napoleon like the way it sounded. “So, we finally meet. After two months of talking on the phone.”_ _ _ _

____Illya nodded his head sort of solemn like. “More like you talked and I just sat and listened” he amended._ _ _ _

____“Well, whatever,” Napoleon dismissed, “since I’ve done all the talking apparently, I’d love for you to do some. Maybe over dinner?” he raised his eyebrows in a hopeful look._ _ _ _

____“Oh,” Illya said quietly. He was shocked, Napoleon could tell. He was not expecting him to ask him out to dinner._ _ _ _

____“Dinner at the burger place that’s just a couple blocks from here? Maybe, I don’t know, Friday? I’ll come and get you when you get off and we can walk there,” Napoleon elaborated._ _ _ _

____“Uh… Yes, actually. That sounds nice,” Illya said._ _ _ _

____Napoleon wrote his number on the back of an envelope. “Text me? I gotta run cause my friend drove me and she has a shift at said burger place in like 30 minutes” he felt like he was rambling._ _ _ _

____“Okay. I’ll text you… cowboy” Illya said, the nickname came out slowly and unsurely but Napoleon couldn’t help but chuckle. He loved it._ _ _ _

____“See you Friday, Peril” he said and turned around and left._ _ _ _

____In the car, he dished out everything that happened to Gaby and she kind of squealed the whole time Napoleon was telling her what happened and then when he mentioned his date Gaby became determined to get a Friday shift just so she could see him._ _ _ _

____“Oh, c’mon, Solo! I won’t say anything, I won’t even be your server! I just wanna see!” she whined. He knew that if he really pushed and said no that she’d respect that but in actuality he didn’t care that much and kind of wanted her there. He was gonna need support._ _ _ _

____On Friday, the date went pretty well. OK, not just ‘pretty’ well, Napoleon thought it went fantastic. They both liked a lot of the same books, movies, and tv shows. Illya was also really funny which was something that Napoleon wasn’t expecting. Illya made Napoleon ugly laugh which was his best and truest laugh._ _ _ _

____At the end of it, Illya walked Napoleon home and right when he thought that Illya might give him a kiss goodnight, Illya smiled and told him that he doesn’t kiss on the first date._ _ _ _

____“So, there’ll be a second date?” Napoleon yelled down the hall as Illya was walking away._ _ _ _

____“If you play your cards right, cowboy!” Illya threw over his shoulder. Napoleon laughed and went inside._ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Thank you for reading if you did and if you didn't enjoy then I'm sorry, maybe next time? Anyway, all comments are appreciated!


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